Close to Home

If you are choosing to read this post, I would encourage you to read it from beginning to end, lest you turn away believing that I believe anything less than all of the things that I believe pertaining to the matters that I intend to address.

Last  Thursday night in Dallas, a national discussion  became something more - a living breathing problem with tangible and measurable effects. It's one thing to talk about news elsewhere and another thing entirely to watch it unfold in your own backyard. It is not everyone who lives in a state of fearful awareness of all the hatred, injustice, and the dangers that exist outside their doors. We know it's out there in the world, but oftentimes we subconsciously rest assured that we will not be the target of these things. Dallas is suddenly very much aware of it, because it has now struck too close to home.

The interesting thing about this newfound awareness, is that many will remain unaffected still. The men who were targeted in Thursday's tragedy represent a limited demographic in Dallas - (white) police officers. Of course that means that not only the officers have to be concerned with this added danger to their lives, but also their many loved ones.

There is another population in Dallas who lives in that hyper state of awareness - black Americans, especially black American men. Black Americans did not need to see a national news event in their hometown to know how real and present their danger is, no matter where they are in the United States. Long before these last couple of years, when the names of young black American boys and men started making headlines in troubling stories of police brutality, we have experienced and been trained to be equipped for dealing with the systematic injustice towards black Americans that runs rampant in U.S. law enforcement.

From a young age many black children are taught how deal with law enforcement, especially white officers. We are taught to comply first and ask questions later, address officers with noteworthy respect - "yes sir" and "yes ma'am", even if they choose to address you without any respect at all, and to be mindful to say as little as possible, even when asked a question. We are taught that the youthful errors of a young white person, much less the other crimes, have graver consequences for a young black person. We are taught that perception is flawed and misguided, and that it has the potential to cause us harm when we have not done anything wrong. In short we are taught to remain fearfully aware and to act accordingly.

Because I am black, this issue of hatred, injustice, and the resulting danger has always been quite close to home. I can remember being watched by store managers and security guards when I went shopping - and I'm a girl - the problem is far worse for black boys. When we were in high school, my brother Uriah was pulled over by an officer while riding his bike - RIDING HIS BIKE! The questioning officer claimed that Uriah looked like a suspect that they were looking for at the time. I doubted the truth of that claim, but if I were to give him the benefit of the doubt, I would have to believe that he thought all black people looked the same. Of course the more likely story was that he could make that claim to pull over any black male and hope to find a reason to ticket him or take him in. Perhaps you read that and think that I must be paranoid. If that is the case, chances are that you simply do not understand, because you have not experienced that racism.  I would encourage you to read this Huffington Post article on "white fragility".

My brother Uriah, myself, and my brother Isaiah some odd years ago when I was in high school. I think of their safety more and more with each passing occurrence of police brutality that is reported.

I have watched over the past couple of days as folks I know in Dallas (and elsewhere) share their position on all that is going on. Many people took to their social media pages right away and said what seemed to be the first things that came to their minds. Insightful and encouraging things were said. There were also not-so-insightful and less encouraging things said. The way people respond in the face of tragedy may show you a very different side of them.

A number of people felt that need to say that police lives matter or that all lives matter. I do not disagree with either of these statements, but I do find it disappointing to see how many people still do not understand what is meant by #BlackLivesMatter. When we say that black lives matter, we are saying that black lives matter too. The unspoken "too" says that black lives matter as much as all other lives. The worth of other lives, especially the lives of (white) law enforcement officers is rarely called into question or treated in such a way that one would question it.

The officers who were killed on Thursday have been and will continue to be remembered in an honorable light. We'll remember the best of them and likely know nothing at all of their flaws as human beings. Hundreds of people have already done what they can to pay their respects to these men. Their families cannot recover the loss of their loved ones, but they will have these comforts and their dignity before a watchful nation. This is just as it should be, because every one of those lives that were taken had value.

Let us now consider the lives of the two men who had just two days before been murdered unjustly. The media had to report the stories and so they did. But the media went further than that, as it often does in the case of black men who die at the hands of unjust officers. Within 24 hours the media questioned whether or not the murders were actually unjust. Within 48 hours the media dug up the past transgressions of these men who had died for reasons entirely unrelated to those transgressions. Outside of the BLM movement, there will be no national outpouring of support for the families who lost these men. The families will not get that dignity as they lay their loved ones to rest. Furthermore, they will be quickly forgotten, as the nation moves on to whatever the next big story may be. Their deaths and the injustice they suffered were in fact overshadowed by the tragedy that took place in Dallas. Were the lives of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile not valuable as well?

Now I understand that one significant difference between the officers and the civilians was that the officers died in the line of duty, which is of course commendable. However, that does not make the officers lives more valuable than that of the civilians who were killed.

In the wake of these recent events that have taken place, it is astounding to see how many people are still failing to see what the problem is. Police officers are being vilified by black Americans. Black Americans and BLM supporters are being vilified by white Americans. Neither of these institutions is inherently bad, and to be in support of one is not to declare war against another. You can in fact support both, as Trevor Noah so appropriately conveyed in his video addressing the shootings of Sterling and Castile. The problem that we are facing is an issue of injustice.

One key difference between the two aforementioned institutions is that only one of them is directly linked to a systematic problem of injustice. This is not to say that all officers are unjust, but that the institution they are a part of does in fact have a problem of injustice that remains to be solved.

Another key difference between the two is their common perceptions and misconceptions. The reason why police brutality can thrive in a country that prides itself on justice is because so many people, particularly those with the power to change it, are either turning a blind eye to the problem or somehow in complete denial. Worse yet, some may even be encouraging it. With evidence and facts that are quite plain to see, people are still trying to deny, downplay, excuse, and maybe worst of all, justify the unjust murders of black civilians and the systematic problem of prejudice and racism in our law enforcement system. The inability to perceive the reality of this problem keeps it very much alive.

As for the BLM movement, people are quick to perceive them as "anti-white", simply because they are "pro-black". The fact that these terms even exists indicates a serious problem with race in our country. People also assume that BLM supporters hate police officers. The fact that BLM supporters condemn the actions of officers who commit wrongful acts against black Americans does not mean that that they hate all officers. Many people do not know that  their position expands beyond police brutality into other  systematic racial issues in our country. The lack of interest in perceiving BLM activists and supporters accurately makes it that much more challenging for the movement to be successful.

I've said a lot and still it's not enough. Whether you know me or not, I appreciate that you've taken the time thus far to read my thoughts. If you know me at all, I hope that you'll try to truly consider and understand my thoughts. And if you love me at all, I hope that you will act in such a way that I know these thoughts meant something to you.

Here are some things that I'd really like you to consider and act upon.

  • Every life has equal inherent value and every person should be treated accordingly. It is not okay for anyone to unjustly or needlessly murder a civilian or a police officer. And in the event that a man's life is taken, it is our duty to mourn with those who mourn, not to dredge up the regrettable moments of their past or to diminish the loss of those they leave behind.

  • In a nation that has come through decades of necessary reform, we still have a long way to go, and the only chance we have of reaching the full measure of the very notion of justice that our country was founded on, is to admit what is truth, discuss it with candor, and act to improve what is broken.

  • We are not too small as individuals to make a difference. We can begin by choosing to give up preconceived notions and misconceptions. We can choose to have conversations that help us to perceive one another's reality.

  • Cliche as it may sound - love one another. As a Christian, I am called to love everyone, and whether or not you share my faith, I think we can agree that humanity is better off when we abide by that simple call to love.

I want to end by extending my condolences to the families of the aforementioned civilians and officers who died, as well as those whose related deaths followed Thursday night's events. It is painful to lose your loved one, and more terrible still to lose them at the hand of a fearful or hateful stranger. To the officers who put their lives on the line to protect us everyday, I thank you for your service and pray for your safety. To every black man, woman, and child, I pray for your safety as well, and for grace from God to walk in such a way that no one might question your innocence or your strength.

Some Reflection on loss and life

There comes a time in each of our lives when we must face the pain of loss and the reality of death. Until recently, I had only glimpsed that experience in the lives of others, and even come close to it in my own family, but not truly encountered it. This past memorial day weekend however, my grandfather passed away, and so my turn to really experience loss of my own had come.

My grandfather when he came to visit us in Texas a few years ago.

My grandfather would have been 80 years old this July. Nearly 80 years on this earth is a pretty good amount of time, but no amount of time ever really seems long enough. As it so happens, this last year and half proved to be a year and  a half longer than we expected to have him with us. He had been ill for sometime and in the winter of 2014, doctors had determined that he likely had only 6 months to a year left. In the extended period of time that he managed to outlive that prognosis, he went through quite a lot of pain and suffering, slowly withering away in his hospital bed. He held onto his faith, as he was an ardent believer, but I know he also looked forward to an end in his suffering. I believe that he was ready to go, and so while his passing hurt me, I knew that it was a blessing for him.

My Uncle Jimmy asked me how I felt after the funeral and I shared with him that sitting in the room with the open casket and the body throughout the service was like an out-of-body experience for me - so surreal. I process grief in my own way and that too made me feel like an outsider in the midst of family and friends whose grief was more apparent, while I was just so . . . composed.

We discussed more aspects of loss and grief and my Uncle Jimmy raised the point that a funeral for Christians differs from others, because we have not just the hope, but the certainty of knowing that those we have lost are in a better place - the best place as a matter of fact. So while we mourn the loss of those we lose, and oftentimes the circumstances under which we lost them, we also celebrate what many believers refer to as their home-going.

Of course that hope does not take away the pain of waking up to a world where you no longer see or hear or hold them every day.

This week a dear friend of mine lost her little boy, Will. She brought him into the ER with stomach pains and had to leave the hospital without him the next day. Will was only 4 years old. When I came upon the news, I had to sit down. It was shocking and painful and it felt so unfair. I cried for these reasons and for the pure sadness of it all. That was how I felt, and I had not even known him really. I could hardly imagine how she was feeling. I think of her having to lay him to rest and say her goodbyes soon and everything going on around me seems insignificant.

So within the past two weeks I find myself trying to process these two partings from the world, and I wake up this morning to the news that a 22 year old girl was shot and killed. Christina Grimme gets murdered at her own meet-and-greet and the murderer takes his own life as well. Where is the sense in that? A happy, healthy girl who was bringing joy to so many people is now gone from this world, not because of some uncontrollable illness, but because someone who had no right whatsoever decided to end her life.

I think about her family, who is surely hurting from this loss and also having to share that loss, which is typically reserved for family and friends, with all of her fans. I think about the man who took her life and his. He too had a family and presumably friends, who despite the actions that he took in his final hour, loved him and will miss him. His family will have to bear the weight of the public's perception of a man who was to them simply son or brother or friend, maybe even husband or father, as they are mourning.

As grim or cliche as it may seem, I also think of all the people who die each day without my notice. When you lose someone your world operates in its own realm of time - in slow-motion, or on pause, or stopped altogether. In the meantime, the unknowing world around you continues to move along at its increasingly rapid speed.

It's been 2 weeks since I laid my grandfather to rest, and already I am back on the world's time. You have to go back to work or school or whatever it is you do with your time on a daily basis. And you can't stop living. But maybe, just maybe you can slow down.

As I look around and see for just a moment how much pain and loss there is to be dealt with, it occurs to me that I don't make enough time to do the things that matter. I do not say "I love you" enough or check in on friends and family enough. I don't spend enough time with the people I love and have the good fortune to have near me.

I do not want to find that I waited until someone was no longer here with me to bring them flowers and sing them songs and tell them all the things that I loved about them. I don't want to wait until they cannot be here with me to celebrate their lives and their character or their gifts, which we will later refer to as their legacy.

My grandfather's legacy is his faith and his ministry. Little Will's legacy seems to be the joy that he had and brought to others. Christina Grimmie's legacy seems to be her kindness, her sincerity, and of course her music. Though we might ache a little when we remember them and cannot hold them, we'll forever be blessed by their legacies and our memories of them, and we can take comfort in that. More importantly, we can take comfort in the fact that these were believers and so they are at home in heaven, where someday those of us who believe as they did will join them.

Until that time comes for me, I hope that I will have the wherewithal to make the most of my time here - to live in such a way that I can offer to others the hope of heaven that I have. I hope to strengthen my faith, so that I can be privy to the peace that God offers in times like these, and share that with others as well. I hope that I will find and/or make the time to spend with family and friends and to celebrate them regularly. I want to give my flowers and my songs and all my love today, while they are still with me and I am still here. I don't know how long it will be before I see them in heaven, but I thank God that I will, and I intend to make the most of my time here until I do.