Tuesday's Ten: 10 Sensory Childhood Memories

1. Childhood looks like New York streets in yellow taxi cabs. And in a green Saturn. And in a beige Ford Taurus. Interesting people and places whiz by. Graffiti murals stretch over building sides.
    
2. Childhood sounds like car stereo playing 90s hits, and gospel cassettes, and eventually CDs, because we are so modern. Music never stops and technology is so exciting.
    
3. Childhood smells like lemon cleaning products, because that is what clean smells like. There was Ajax until we had Joy and there was Pledge.
    
4. Childhood tastes like cheesecake - Junior's strawberry cheesecake - the late night delight that dad brings home after work and the any occasion treat.
    
5. Childhood feels like hugs and kisses from folks I can't name who love me all the same and from family gathered for miles and miles around.
    
6. Childhood looks like Tulsa hills rolling to and fro and up and down, to school and to market, and best of all to home.
    
7. Childhood sounds like opening credits and marvelous film scores. Composers' songs play over and over, out of my speaker and inside my head. - John Williams, James Howard, and best of all, Hans Zimmer.
    
8. Childhood smells like eucalyptus resting in a vase on the small table in the entryway of our home, the first thing that I smell when I walk in the door.
    
9. Childhood tastes like Little Debbie Snacks for lunch at school and for snack at home - yellow marshmallow creme pies, and mysterious cosmic brownies, simple oatmeal creme pies and double Swiss Rolls.
    
10. Childhood feels like wind in my face - chasing a soccer ball down the field, swinging like a pendulum between sun and clouds, and zipping downhill on my bicycle wheels.

Fun Friday: The Obligatory New Year's Post

Well, here we are in the year 2016. I wonder how long it will take for me to stop writing 2015 on everything. I skimmed over past New Year's posts that I had written. The first one was from 2012, which kind of surprised me - I hadn't remembered my blog going that far back. I wonder what else I've forgotten since then. In any case, I've written about past flaws and future hopes. Today I feel compelled to share one simple thing that I would like to see remain the same.

More than anything, I want my family's strength to stay the same. We have had a rough year with many personal changes in it. I just recently moved out of my parent's home into an apartment with my brother, Uriah  and my sister, Kerissa. None of us is currently in school (we're on the kind of mandatory break that comes from a lack of funds to pump into tuition). That and many other such things have been difficult commonalities that we find we share. My youngest sister, Ayana is loving on her campus slaying academic life on her full ride scholarship. She made the Dean's List. Again. My youngest brother, Isaiah is a hot mess and the only child at home now. He's a freshman in high school with more talent than he probably knows. My parents each work long days. Stress has run high among us and tensions resulted. Details are not mine alone to share, but I will say the feeling was probably as far apart as we've ever felt. We are a tight-knit family, so this past year was challenging.

Do your family disagreements ever look like this? Ours would if our internal thoughts and feelings were projected outwardly. I'd be the one running my fingers through my hair and screaming. 

image via mrwgifs
#ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia

On Christmas Eve we all attended service together, which is customary, but was special this year, as we had not been at church all together for sometime. Schedules did not allow for everyone to attend New Year's Eve service together, but that's okay. I was glad to be there myself, although I must confess I had initially contemplated being elsewhere.

I was reminded of why I chose to be in church among believers as the new year rolls in. I was moved by the praise and worship, the message, and especially the testimonies. Those testimonies are reminders of God's power and grace in our lives individually and in this world.

I don't pray as often as I should, but it has been a prayer of my heart that my family find reconciliation in the coming year. Today in the true form of leadership that God intends for a father to hold in his family, my father made the first step in that direction. There was a clean slate and an olive branch presented. Talk about answered prayer!

The family (excepting Ayana, who headed out for an awesome conference this morning) shared in our traditional Haitian New Year's meal, soup joumou. What better way to start the year?!

As we all strive to make personal and other strides in the coming year I hope we'll maintain and grow the strength and unity that God built our family with.

This is one of my favorite family photos. We don't have many family photos, much less candid ones. We're all smiles in a place we rarely visit  - the beach. I think this was in 2009 or 2010. I hope this new year will see many moments like this one.  #Flashback Friday

Whatevs Wednesdays: Shaping up Summer

A friend of mine asked me in a text today whether I had determined any summer goals yet. I told her that I hadn't, as I am currently wrapping up things at my job. Let me tell you, the working the last 6-weeks in a school year is madness. We've had ups and downs, and flips and flops, and a whole lot of ants in our pants as countdown the days until summer.

image via giphy

Here's to hoping that my summer holds a little something that looks like this

I think summer is supposed to be kind of a break, and it will be, but the only time it seems I'll get to feel that is in the one week after the school year ends and before I start my summer job. That thought is slightly depressing. No summer goals yet, no summer vacation - what is this life? It's easy to feel a bit bummed out, but then I consider all that I have to be grateful for and excited about in summer.

For starters, my birthday is coming up, and while 23 is not some pivotal age, it another year in my life, and an excuse to celebrate me for a day. I'd say it's providence that my birthday falls around the same time as the Bath & Body Works annual summer sale. As much fun as it is to celebrate one's self for a day, I'm even more excited to see that day hopefully make a difference in the life of someone else as I take part in OneReasonRecordings' One Day, One Year campaign. In the week of my birthday I get to take the next step in an important process that I hope I can share about in due time. I get to continue in the great tradition of volunteering during VBS, which looks interesting and new this year. I'll also start working at my new job (which I signed paperwork for today). All that is just for June. With any luck I may be able to spend a week in Haiti with my mom's side of the family at the end of July. If I am not able to go I'm hoping to maybe go to Socality Live. Whatever adventure big or small that summer holds for me I will embrace it with open arms. That is my only goal right now, and I know that there will surely be more.

If your summer, like mine looks less exciting than all of your Facebook friends', don't be discouraged, just make the most of what you may experience in your own summer.

image via animal-kid

Enjoy the simple pleasures, like the return of Dylan O'Brien - I mean the return of Teen Wolf on June 29!

A Song for Sunday: Death in His Grave

HAPPY EASTER!

Thank God for His death and resurrection, the inspiration and foundation of our faith.

Tuesdays Ten: 10 Words to describe how I feel about work and school right now

1. Sick

2. Tired

3. Sick

4. Tired

5. Sick

6. Tired

7. Sick

8. Tired

9. Sick

10. Tired

I never said they would be 10 different words. Perhaps you feel I've cheated.
Guess what . . .

image via Mashable

A Song for Sunday: Brother

NEEDTOBREATHE featuring Gavin Degraw

Fun Friday: Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Theme Song (extended)

Sometime in the past couple of weeks I got hooked on a new Netflix show called Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. I won't tell you a bunch about the show or try to sell you on it, but I will say that it is funny, and probably not everyone's cup of tea. I've had the theme song stuck in my head since I started watching, and I thought I'd share it with you so that I won't be the only one. The theme song comes from the first scene in episode one, so it will give you a hint of what the show is like too.

BONUS: Did you catch this?

Whatevs Wednesday: Unrequited Crush

Since last semester I've had one of those ridiculous baseless crushes. You know the kind you blame on hormones, because you can't think of any other excuse for being hung up over someone that you honestly don't know? It's that kind of crush. Somehow I thought that by my age now I would not allow myself to be dealing with this silliness. Anyhow, what can I say? The guy is pretty cute, and he seems pretty bright as well.If my campus was casting for a stage production of Grey's Anatomy, he'd surely get the role of McDreamy. Enough about him.

I'm up at an unrighteous hour for someone who has to get up and go to work in a while, because BuzzFeed videos have this incredible addictive power over me. I came across a video from last year that I feel was absolutely meant for me, so I thought I'd share it with you.

I personally have hit 10 of the action items on this list. Can you guess which ones? What about you - have you done any of these?

Tuesday's Ten: 10 Feelings I experienced concerning being audited

Here's a day to celebrate the luck of the Irish, and I am anything but. We already know that I'm not Irish, but to be clear I mean that I am anything but lucky. I got the best email yesterday. The subject was "PACE audit". Reading that subject line did not give me warm fuzzy feelings. Here's a bit of the email: "You don’t have to do anything to get ready for me.  We’ll just discuss what I want to look at when I get there. Thanks for your help.  See you tomorrow." So bright and friendly, yet my heart sank to read it anyhow. It's not that I'm worried about discrepancies in accounting, or a lack of records kept. I just know that I'm still getting the hang of all this and records from earlier in the year especially are going to reflect that. Also, anytime I'm being checked or tested, I'm bound to experience a few feelings that are less than pleasant.

Here are 10 feelings I experienced concerning being audited. You my notice that some of them are consistent with the 5 stages of grief:

1. Shock - what the what? What is this?

image via gify

2. Horror - *scared speechless*

image via gify

3. Denial - this can't be happening. This is not happening.

image via gifsoup

4. Anger - who is this woman anyway?!

image via blogger-queens

5. Sadness - why is this happening to me? *sob sob*

image via giphy - Caption: Everything falls apart

6. Depression - well, my life is obviously over. So very over.

image via caughtyoureye

7. Determination - maybe I can fix this . . . or something

image via headoverfeels

8. Defeat - it's all too much. I've lost.

image via totalprosports

9. Anxiety - I guess it's time to face the music

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10. Relief - it's over? I'm free? *sigh of relief*

image via wittystory

Monday's Meme: Hard Choices (tv edition)

The struggle is real. I opted for Bates Motel tonight.

Confessions (or just ramblings) of a girl who lost her spark

Someone told me today that I had lost my spark. It was a sad and hard truth to hear, but not one that I was entirely unaware of. I guess if you turn out a light, you can't expect that you're the only one who will notice the darkness you leave behind. The thing is, I have felt like a single teeny tiny light in a room full of brightly burning bulbs. And though I did not lose my spark on purpose (I don't suppose that anybody does), I did not really figure that anyone else noticed. I've been thinking about this a lot since that conversation, and I've had to consider a number of other factors as well.

I confessed only slightly in jest this past week, that I had started to tire of hearing other people's good news. I want to say that I'm always only ever happy for others, but sometimes I'm just a bit caught up in wondering when I will have my own amazing news to share.

Conversations and internal reflections have got me to thinking that I'm not particularly good at anything. I can do a number of things well enough, but nothing exceptionally. To be burdened with such normality is dejecting. I get weighed down and I've stayed down like a stone without the ability to pick myself up.

In discussing my lost spark and my thoughts and feelings concerning how ordinary I am, a wise person asked me how I had come to be where I am (as far as success in my job) if I had no particular talent. It was a great question, and my answer was (and still is) "hard work".

There is a belief many carry in the idea that with hard work you can do anything and get anywhere. There may have been a time when I shared that belief, but now I am unsure. I have worked, and still I work hard, harder than people can see or anyone knows, and I'm still not where I want to be. I think I've gradually worked less hard as I've lost my belief in the power of hard work. It seems that what I need is either a stroke of genius or a stroke of luck, and I'm nowhere near getting either of those.

Anyhow, this is not a sob story. This is me thinking out loud on my blog. Maybe these thoughts are better kept in my head, but for whatever reason I feel inclined to share them. Maybe I'll regret that later, but as of right now I think not. Besides, I don't know of anyone other than my sister who actually reads my blog. Shout out to you K.

I want to get my spark back. Regardless of how tired I am, and how hard I feel like I work, I need to get that spark back, because maybe that is the thing I have - not a talent or a special skill, no particular gift, just a spark.

I'm shooting for spark status that looks like this:

image via designboom

Hello 2015

Around this time every year I think about resolutions. I guess we're supposed to think "Here's an opportunity for me to be an even better me!!", which is all good and dandy, but how long does that high last, and was last year's version of myself really so bad? Don't get me wrong - I'll be looking to make improvements and strides this year, I'm just not starting  the year thinking about flaws from my past. Rather, I'm looking forward to marvelous memories that await me in the year 2015.

I saw a New Year's craft on BuzzFeed and knew right away that I would need to make it, and since I loved the idea so much, I created a Facebook event inviting friends to do the same wherever they might be. I don't know that anyone partook, but I don't suppose that matters.The craft is called a rememberlutions jar, for the storing of favored moments throughout 2015, to be read at the end of the year. 

I made my jar, and I have already added my first memory of the year: "Crafting rememberlutions jar with Aunt Kethsia in New York." Simple as that seems, it was quite special to me. My Aunt Kethsia, who is actually the wife of my father's cousin, Jimmy, and a longtime friend of my parents, lives in  Lawrence, New York, where my family stayed with them these past couple of weeks. She has a fantastic craft room, and an upcoming blog (wink wink).

I've spent the past couple of weeks in a way that I could not have imagined. It was both trying and wonderful, and so completely unexpected. When I get the time, I'll try to post about it. I'm hoping that I manage my time in such a way that I get the time to devote to things like my blog more often. I hope to fill this jar well before the year's end and make several more, filled with awesome memories. Hello 2015!!